Episode 5: How I Stopped Overthinking Every Decision (And You Can Too)

Last month, I spent three weeks agonizing over which electives to take next semester. Three weeks. For classes that, let's be honest, probably won't change the trajectory of my life. But there I was, making a pros and cons list, asking everyone I knew for their opinions, and lying awake wondering if a wrong choice would somehow ruin my future.

Sound familiar? If you're like me, you've probably turned these kinds of decisions into emotional marathons that leave you exhausted and probably paralyzed with choice.

Here's what I've learned: the problem isn't that decisions are inherently hard. The problem is that most of us have no systematic approach to them. We're just winging it every time, keeping us always responding to these choices rather than taking the initiative and making the choices on our terms. That’s why choosing a college major and what to eat for lunch seems equally as mentally-demanding.

But the ancient Stoics and Adlerian followers figured out something we're missing: good decision-making isn't about having full information. It's about having consistent principles.

The Roman Emperor's Decision Hack

Marcus Aurelius had to make decisions that affected millions of people – war, peace, life, death, empire-level stuff. Yet his personal journals show someone who approached these choices with remarkable clarity and rationale. His secret? He had a framework.

The Stoics boiled decision-making down to four key questions, based on what they called the cardinal virtues:

• Wisdom: Am I being honest about the facts, or just believing what I want to believe? 

• Justice: How does this choice affect other people, not just me? 

• Courage: Am I choosing growth over comfort? 

• Temperance: Is this balanced, or am I going to extremes?

  
  

I started testing this on smaller decisions first. When I was stressed about whether to quit my position as head of design that was affecting my grades, I ran it through the framework:

• Wisdom: The work that entails was undoubtedly hurting my academic performance.

• Justice: Quitting would cause some level of harm and they wouldn’t be able to quickly replace me.

• Courage: Staying felt like I was prioritizing a hobby over academics. Temperance: I was spending too much time on this singular activity.

Suddenly, what felt like an impossible choice became clearer. I halted my activity after finishing all the upcoming work, had an awkward meeting with my club, and my grades improved immediately.

The Psychology of Taking Ownership

Now, let’s head back to the 20th century and meet Alfred Adler, a pioneer in psychology. He had a different but complementary insight: most of our decision paralysis comes from trying to avoid responsibility for the outcomes.

Let’s take a moment to think about this. When we can't decide, we're really just saying, "I don't want to be accountable if this goes wrong." We'd rather stay stuck than risk making a mistake we'll have to own.

Adler's solution is counterintuitive: embrace the responsibility fully. Stop trying to make "perfect" decisions and start making "owned" decisions – choices you're willing to be accountable for, even if they don't work out exactly as planned.

But, of course, if it were that simple, then I wouldn’t be here, and so wouldn’t you. So I want you to take a step back and think about it this way. Embracing responsibility is terrifying. It’s so nice to never be held accountable for anything and making every correct choice there is. But does it make a good story? I love hearing stories from other people, especially those with plot twists and “come-back arcs”. And to have those kinds of climaxes and slopes in life, don’t you just have to make mistakes? Have bad decisions? To me, only those can build character.

My Actual Decision-Making Process

After a year of experimenting, here's the simple process that actually works for me:

Step 1: Get Specific Instead of "What should I do about college?" I ask "Should I apply early to this specific school?" Vague questions create vague anxiety. Specific questions have specific answers.

Step 2: Separate What I Can and Can't Control Can control: my effort, preparation, and criteria for choosing. Can't control: other people's decisions, economic factors, or random events. I only make decisions based on the stuff in the first category.

Step 3: Run the Stoic Test Does this choice serve the 4 cardinal virtues: wisdom, justice, courage, and balance? If an option fails multiple categories, it's probably not right for me.

Step 4: Accept the Consequences. I literally say out loud: "I'm choosing this, and I accept responsibility for how it turns out." If I can't say that sentence genuinely, I'm not ready to decide yet. Furthermore, it is telltale that I do not have enough conviction to accept that.

Step 5: Commit and Stop Second-Guessing Once I decide, I focus on executing well rather than wondering if I chose correctly. Self-doubt kills even good decisions. Seneca, the Roman Stoic, had a saying: “We suffer more in imagination than in reality.”

Real-World Examples

The Social Media Dilemma: I was spending hours on Instagram but feeling worse about myself. The Stoic framework made it clear – this wasn't serving wisdom (I wasn't learning anything valuable) or temperance (it was excessive). I deleted the app for a month and felt significantly better. I stopped wasting time, focused on myself and actually saw the bags under my eyes gradually disappear.

The Friendship Boundary: A friend was constantly asking me to help with homework they hadn't tried themselves. Justice question: was this helping them long-term or enabling bad habits? Courage question: was I avoiding a difficult conversation? I started saying no to last-minute requests and offering to study together instead. Our friendship changed. It felt different, not in a bad way. More of like, he cared more about his studies now, and was thankful I showed him his path.

The College Choice: Instead of trying to optimize for every possible factor, I focused on which environment I was most excited to navigate, even if it was challenging. I applied to schools where I could see myself growing and enjoying, not just schools that looked good on paper.

Why This Actually Works

The magic isn't in the specific framework – it's in having any consistent system at all. When you evaluate choices using the same criteria every time, you’ll notice patterns emerging. You start understanding your own values more clearly, which makes future decisions easier.

Plus, when decisions come from your actual principles rather than anxiety or social pressure, you feel more confident in them. Even when things don't go as planned, you know you chose thoughtfully. These decisions build character, they make you whole.

The Adlerian part – accepting responsibility – is weirdly liberating. When you stop trying to avoid all possible negative outcomes, you can focus on which positive outcomes you actually want to pursue.

Application pointing worker digital stressed.

Start Small, Build Up

If these 4 values intrigues you, try this approach on low-stakes decisions. Which movie to watch, what to eat for dinner, whether to go to that party on Friday.

Practice the Stoic questions: Is this wise? Fair? Courageous? Balanced? Practice accepting responsibility: "I'm choosing this and I own the outcome." Understand that bad decisions make for a better story. Once you get comfortable with the process of small stuff, bigger decisions become much more manageable.

The Relief of Having a System

The best part of having a decision-making framework isn't that it guarantees perfect outcomes – it's that it eliminates the overanalyzing that used to consume my energy.

Now when I face a choice, I have somewhere to start immediately. I don't have to reinvent my entire value system every time I need to pick a class or decide whether to take on a new commitment.

Marcus Aurelius called this developing practical wisdom – the ability to choose well not because you're psychic about the future, but because you have reliable principles for evaluation.

In our world full of options and constant pressure to be correct about everything, having a system for making choices is like having a superpower. It makes the difference between being exhausted with choice and confidently making every choice like they’re nothing.

What's one decision you've been avoiding? Try asking yourself the 4 cardinal values. You might be pleasantly surprised and laugh at how simple this framework made that decision feel. 

The goal isn't to never make mistakes – it's to make mistakes that align with your values. That's something you can actually live with.