Episode 11: The Three Questions That Helped Me Stop Living in Yesterday

Question 1: What if the past doesn't own me?

For years, I believed my difficult experiences had fundamentally shaped who I was – and not in a good way. Family conflicts had made me "someone who struggles with relationships." Academic pressure had made me "an anxious perfectionist." Social difficulties had made me "awkward and self-conscious."

I carried these identities like permanent tattoos, assuming they were just part of who I was now.

Then I read something that stopped me cold: "You are not what happened to you. You are what you choose to become in spite of what happened to you."

Question 2: What if I'm looking in the wrong direction?

I spent so much energy analyzing why certain things happened – family dynamics, past disappointments, moments that felt defining. I thought if I could just understand the causes well enough, I'd somehow be free from their effects.

But here's what I discovered: understanding why something happened doesn't change what you do next. In fact, it often keeps you stuck in the past instead of building your future.

Marcus Aurelius figured this out while dealing with wars and political chaos. He wrote: "Confine yourself to the present." Not because the past doesn't matter, but because the present is the only place you can actually create change.

Question 3: What if healing isn't about fixing the past?

I used to think healing meant going back and somehow resolving everything that went wrong. Like I needed to have the perfect conversation with my parents, or fully process every difficult experience, or understand exactly why certain things affected me so deeply.

Alfred Adler had a different idea: healing happens when you start moving toward what you want instead of away from what hurt you.

This was revolutionary for me. Instead of spending energy on why I felt anxious in social situations, I could spend that energy on building the kinds of relationships I actually wanted. Instead of analyzing family conflicts, I could focus on how I wanted to show up in future family interactions.

The Direction Shift That Changes Everything

Once I started asking these three questions, everything shifted. Instead of being defined by past experiences, I became interested in future possibilities.

From "Why did this happen to me?" to "Where do I want to go from here?"

This isn't about denying that difficult things happened. It's about refusing to let them control what happens next.

When I caught myself spiraling about family dynamics, I'd redirect: "Okay, that was hard. What kind of family relationships do I want to build going forward?" When anxiety about past social situations came up, I'd ask: "What kind of social experiences do I want to create now?"

Same information, completely different focus.

How I Started Building Forward

Morning intention setting: Instead of waking up and immediately thinking about yesterday's problems or old worries, I started each day by identifying one thing I wanted to create or improve.

The contribution question: When past pain tried to pull me backward, I'd ask: "How might this experience help me understand or support someone else facing something similar?" This transformed wounds into wisdom.

Future-focused reflection: At night, instead of reviewing what went wrong or analyzing past patterns, I'd think about what progress I'd made toward the person I wanted to become.

These weren't massive changes, but they gradually shifted my mental habits from past-focused to future-focused.

What Actually Happened

The most surprising result wasn't that I stopped feeling affected by past experiences – it's that those experiences started serving me instead of limiting me.

That family conflict that used to define me as "bad with relationships"? It taught me to recognize different communication styles and be more patient with people who express emotions differently than I do.

Those academic struggles that made me feel inadequate? They showed me how to persist through confusion and how to help other people who feel overwhelmed by challenging material.

The social situations that left me feeling awkward? They developed empathy for anyone who feels like they don't quite fit in.

Instead of carrying these experiences as evidence of my brokenness, I started seeing them as sources of strength and understanding.

The Permission You've Been Waiting For

Here's what I wish someone had told me earlier: you don't have to heal from everything before you can start living fully. You don't need to resolve every past issue before pursuing what you actually want.

You can start building the life you want right now, even while carrying experiences that haven't been perfectly processed or understood.

The past taught you things – about resilience, about people, about what matters to you. But it doesn't get to write your future chapters.

Your Forward Movement Practice

Pick one area where past experiences feel like they're holding you back. Instead of analyzing why you feel stuck, ask these three questions:

1. What do I actually want in this area of my life? (relationships, academics, personal growth, etc.)

2. What small step can I take toward that today? (regardless of past experiences)

3. How might my past difficulties actually serve this goal? (What did they teach you? How did they develop your character?)

Start there. Build from there. Let your past experiences become the foundation for your future strength instead of the ceiling on your future possibilities.

The best chapters of your story are still being written.

"The Three Questions That Helped Me Stop Living in Yesterday"