Episode 2: The Day I Got Roasted Online (And What It Taught Me About Emotions)

A couple months ago, I handed in an artwork I was actually quite proud of. Within an hour, some guy in our project just popped up and dropped a comment: “Hmmm, I don’t see the difference between this and some middle school design.”

My stomach dropped. My face got hot. I wanted to delete everything and never create art again. I felt like I was inadequate. Maybe I wasn’t handling criticism very well back then.

Here's the thing about negative emotions – they hit like a freight train, and most of us either try to pretend they don't exist or let them completely take over our lives. But what if I told you there's a third option that ancient philosophers figured out centuries ago?

What an Emperor Knew About Getting Criticized

The Roman Emperor Marcus Aurelius dealt with way more criticism than any of us ever will. Running an empire during wars and plagues meant constant judgment from millions of people. But he had this saying that struck me: Your emotions aren't caused by what happens to you. They're caused by your thoughts about what happens to you.

He called it the "Dichotomy of Control" – focus on what you can actually control (your response) instead of what you can't (other people's opinions).

When my teacher handed back my essay covered in red ink last month, my first instinct was to feel like a complete failure. But then I asked myself: "What can I actually control here?"

Not my teacher's standards. Not the grade I already got. But I could control whether I used the feedback to improve or let it shut me down. I scheduled meetups, asked questions, and used the criticism to make my next essay better.

The red ink still didn’t feel good, but it stopped controlling my entire week.

Why Your Worst Feelings Are Actually Trying to Help

Alfred Adler, the Austrian psychologist, had a different view. He noticed that our strongest negative emotions usually come from feeling like we're not measuring up to some standard – what he called an "inferiority complex."

But here's his insight: those uncomfortable emotions aren't random torment. They're signals pointing to what you actually care about.

When I got rejected from a MUN (model United Nations) event, I felt crushing disappointment for weeks. But I stopped myself from feeling defeat and started asking myself: "Why does this hurt so much?"

The answer was because I genuinely cared about making changes - even if it was just a copy of what a real event would look like. The disappointment wasn't just about losing – it was about feeling disconnected from my sense of purpose. That realization helped me find other ways to get involved and make a difference.

Your emotions aren't the enemy. They're like an alarm – annoying, but it is trying to tell you something important.

Back to My Art Disaster

So now, remembering the time that dude roasted my artwork online, in that group chat, I tested the two approaches:

• Stoicism: "I can't control this person's opinion, but I can control my response."

• Adlerian Theory: "Why does this comment bother me so much? Because I care about improving as an artist and being taken seriously."

Instead of deleting the post and giving up, I asked my art teacher for feedback and signed up for an online drawing course. That random critic accidentally motivated me to level up my skills.

The Simple Formula That Actually Works

Here's what I do now when negative emotions hit:

1. Don't fight the feeling. Accept that you're angry/hurt/disappointed. Fighting emotions just makes them stronger.

2. Get curious about the signal. Ask: "What is this emotion telling me about what I care about?"

3. Take one small action. Not to fix everything, but to move toward what matters to you.

   
   

Maybe you're anxious about a presentation because you care about doing well – so you practice one more time. Maybe you're angry about something unfair because you value justice – so you speak up. Maybe you're sad about a friendship ending because you value connection – so you reach out to other people.

The Real Talk

I'm not going to pretend philosophical techniques make negative emotions disappear. Some days you're still going to feel like garbage, and that's human. I still do, but the point isn’t about being perfectly stone-cold - you’re no machine, right?

Emotions aren't facts about reality. They're information about your inner world. When you stop seeing them as problems to solve and start seeing them as signals to decode, your world view will surely change from what it was before.

The Stoics understood that you can't control what you feel, but you can control what you do with those feelings. Adler understood that even your worst emotions usually point toward something you care deeply about. Your emotions aren't trying to ruin your day. They're trying to point you toward what matters most to you. The question is: are you listening?

So when the next time a negative emotion hits hard, try asking yourself: "What is this feeling trying to tell me, and what's one small action I can take in response?"Your worst day might just be trying to show you what you care about most. What would happen if you actually paid attention?

"The Day I Got Roasted Online (And What It Taught Me About Emotions)"