Episode 10: Why I Stopped Asking "What's My Purpose?" (And Started Asking Better Questions)

For two years, I was obsessed with finding my purpose.

I took every career quiz online. I read dozens of articles about "discovering your passion." I analyzed my interests, made pro/con lists about different college majors, and spent hours trying to envision my "ideal future self."

The result? Complete paralysis. The more I searched for this mysterious thing called "purpose," the more confused and anxious I became. Everyone else seemed to have clarity while I felt like I was wandering around in the dark.

Then I realized something that changed everything: I was asking the wrong question entirely.

The Purpose Myth That's Making Us Miserable

Our culture has turned "finding your purpose" into this massive, intimidating quest. Like there's one perfect career path out there waiting to be discovered, and if you don't find it by age eighteen, you've somehow failed at life.

This creates a terrible trap:

• You feel pressure to discover some grand cosmic calling

• You get paralyzed because the stakes feel so high

• You dismiss interesting opportunities because they don't feel "purposeful" enough

• You end up doing nothing while waiting for lightning-bolt clarity that never comes

But what if purpose isn't something you find? What if it's something you build, gradually, through paying attention to what actually matters to you?

What the Stoics Got Right About Direction

Marcus Aurelius never sat around wondering about his life purpose. He was too busy figuring out how to be useful with whatever situation he found himself in.

His approach was way more practical: look at your natural strengths, notice what problems genuinely interest you, then find ways to contribute something meaningful with those capabilities.

He called this "living according to nature" – not like, tree-hugging nature, but your essential nature as a person. What comes naturally to you? What kinds of problems do you find yourself thinking about? What activities make you feel most like yourself?

This completely shifted my perspective. Instead of searching for some predetermined purpose, I could pay attention to what already felt meaningful in my daily experience.

My Accidental Purpose Discovery

The breakthrough came when I stopped looking for purpose and started noticing what I was already drawn to.

I realized I kept volunteering for things involving explanation and teaching. When friends were confused about assignments, they'd ask me to help. When my little cousin needed homework help, I actually enjoyed breaking down concepts for her. When our debate team needed someone to train new members, I found myself raising my hand.

None of this felt like "finding my purpose." It just felt like doing things that came naturally and seemed helpful.

But slowly, a pattern emerged. I was consistently drawn to work that involved helping people understand things better. Not because I had some grand vision of being an educator, but because these activities felt meaningful in a way that other things didn't.

The Questions That Actually Work

Instead of "What's my purpose?" I started asking better questions:

• What problems do I naturally notice? The things that make you think "someone should do something about this" are clues about where your interests and the world's needs might overlap.

• What activities make me lose track of time? When you're engaged enough to forget about checking your phone, you're probably doing something aligned with your natural strengths.

• When do I feel most useful? Think about times when you felt like you were genuinely contributing something valuable to other people.

• What would I work on if success was guaranteed? This removes the fear factor and reveals what you'd naturally gravitate toward.

These questions don't require you to predict your entire future. They just help you pay attention to patterns in your present experience.

The Relief of Building Instead of Finding

Here's what I learned: purpose isn't a treasure you discover buried somewhere. It's a structure you build, brick by brick, through choices that align your capabilities with ways to contribute.

This takes so much pressure off. You don't have to figure everything out at once. You just have to pay attention to what feels meaningful and gradually move in that direction.

You also get to change your mind. If you build your sense of purpose around contributing to education but later discover you're more drawn to environmental issues, you're not starting from scratch. You're just redirecting skills you've already developed.

"Why I Stopped Asking "What's My Purpose?" (And Started Asking Better Questions)"

Your Purpose-Building Experiment

Instead of trying to discover your ultimate life purpose, try this:

• Notice what you're already drawn to. What kinds of problems capture your attention? What activities feel natural rather than forced?

• Look for ways to contribute. How might your natural interests serve other people somehow? Start small – tutoring, volunteering, helping friends with projects.

• Pay attention to what energizes you. Which contributions feel meaningful versus which feel like obligations?

• Build gradually. Let your sense of purpose emerge through experience rather than trying to figure it out through analysis.

Remember, Marcus Aurelius didn't wake up one day knowing he was destined to be emperor. He just kept trying to be useful with whatever circumstances he found himself in.

You probably don't need to have your entire life figured out either. You just need to start paying attention to what already matters to you.